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final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
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