After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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