I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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