the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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