Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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