Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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