The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
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Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize