Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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