My sheets look like a crime scene.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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