closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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