Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
that is very illegal...i love you.
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