I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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