I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
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