Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
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I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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