if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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