I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize