I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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