I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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