thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
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i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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