You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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