And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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