I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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