i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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