Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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