I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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