look no pants
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize