this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's just like the Real World with babies
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Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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