im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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