thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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