I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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