Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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