I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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