I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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