come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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