You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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Semen is not good for contacts.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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