I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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