So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize