My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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