Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize