I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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