cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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