I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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