just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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