You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize