Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize