he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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