is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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