i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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