think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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