someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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